What Can One Man Do?

Wearing the White Ribbon is a starting point. Read on if you would like to learn some practical steps towards making violence a thing of the past:  

1. Listen to women… learn from women
The path starts with listening.  Who knows better about violence against women than women who experience it?  Learn about violence by asking a woman who trusts you how violence has affected her life.  Then, if she feels comfortable to talk, sit back and listen.

2. Learn about the problem
The basic rights that most men enjoy — safety in their homes, ability to go out at night, a job free of harassment — are a source of fear for women in much of the world. The fear is greatest in women’s own homes. A common myth is that most violence is committed by strangers. In fact, women are most at risk from men they know — husbands, boyfriends, fathers, relatives, employers, and caregivers

3. Learn why some men are violent
Men are not naturally violent. There have been societies with little or no violence. Studies over the past century have found that half of the tribal societies studied had little or no violence against women, against children, or among men.  Furthermore, even today, in many countries the majority of men are not physically violent.  Violence is something that some men learn.  Men’s violence is a result of the way many men learn to express their masculinity in relationships with women, children, and other men.

4. Wear a white ribbon
Change will occur if we each accept personal responsibility to make sure it happens. As men who care about the women in our lives, we can take responsibility to help ensure that women live free from fear and violence. Each year men around the world are wearing a white ribbon up to and on 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.  Wearing a white ribbon is your personal pledge never to commit violence against women.

5. Challenge sexist language and jokes that degrade women
Sexist jokes and language help create a climate where forms of violence and abuse have too long been accepted. Words that degrade women reflect a society that has historically placed women in a second class position. One of the most difficult things for men is to learn to challenge other men.

6. Learn to identify and oppose sexual harassment and violence in your workplace, school, and family
Sexual harassment refers to unwanted sexual advances or sexually oriented remarks or behaviour that are unwelcome by another person. Flirting and joking are fine if they are both consensual and wanted.

7. Support local women’s programs
Around the world, dedicated women have created support services for women who are survivors of men’s violence: safe houses for battered women, rape crisis centres, counseling services, and legal aid clinics. Women escaping violent situations depend on these services.  These and other women’s organisations deserve men’s support and our financial backing. That’s why we encourage local White Ribbon Campaigns to raise money for local women’s programs.

8. Examine how your own behaviour might contribute to the problem
If you’ve ever been physically violent against a woman, if you’ve committed sexual assault, if you’ve hit, pushed, threatened, kicked your spouse or girlfriend, then you have been part of the problem. If this happened long ago, admit what you did was wrong and make amends if possible. But if such behaviour has any chance of continuing, then you urgently need to get help getting to the root of your problem. Don’t wait until it happens again. Please act today.

9. Work towards long-term solutions
Ending violence against women won’t happen overnight. Real solutions are truly long-term solutions. Changes in attitude, behaviour, and institutions take time. We must look at how we raise future generations. We must teach our children, by example, that all forms of violence are unacceptable, and that for boys to become men, they do not need to control or dominate women, men, or children.

10. Get involved with the White Ribbon Campaign’s educational efforts
The White Ribbon Campaign is the largest effort in the world of men working to end men’s violence against women. It is a grass-roots effort, relying mainly on volunteers. It needs your support.

Adapted from Fact Sheet 4, www.whiteribbonday.org.au

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Focusing on men’s violence against women does not mean that other forms of violence are okay or don’t exist

The White Ribbon Campaign focuses on men’s violence against women. But this in no way means that this is the only type of violence that occurs, or that it is the most common form of violence, or that other forms of violence are unimportant. It simply means that violence against women is an important social problem that deserves attention.

Like other anti-violence campaigns, the WRC is motivated by the fundamental belief that *all* forms of violence are wrong, whether their victims are female or male, and whether their perpetrators are male or female. Organisers of the WRC would be delighted to see other campaigns focused on other forms of violence, such as violence against men, and these would complement the WRC.

There are important reasons to have a campaign focused on violence against women, rather than having a single campaign focused for example on all forms of violence, as follows.

Violence against women has specific dynamics that should be the focus of specific attention. For example, while the violence that men experience often occurs in public and by perpetrators who are not known to them, the violence that women experience often occurs in relationships and families and by perpetrators known to them.

Violence against women has specific causes that should be the focus of specific attention. For example, violence against women is sustained in part by cultural beliefs (held by a minority) that men have the right to physically punish their female partners, that males should be dominant in households, that some women ‘ask’ to be raped, and so on. Similarly, violence against men is sustained in part by cultural beliefs that if a man’s honour or status is challenged, he must respond with violence, violence between males is legitimate and exciting, and so on. If we had a campaign that lumped together these different forms of violence, we would be unable to address the specific features of these diverse behaviours. And our campaign would be ineffective as a result. (For the same reason, campaigns focused on other social problems such as tobacco smoking or drink-driving often focus on specific populations and/or specific forms of this behaviour, as well as giving out the general message that such behaviours are unhealthy or wrong.)

The White Ribbon Campaign focuses on violence against women because this is an important social problem. And this campaign is compatible with, and would complement, other campaigns focused on violence against men or other, specific forms of violence (such as child abuse, homophobic violence, and racist violence).

Republished with permission Michael Flood, 2006.
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Saudi Arabia Gang Rape Lashes

Following her appeal, a Saudi Court has increased the sentance of a gang rape victim to 200 lashes and six months jail, punishment for travelling alone in a car with a non-relative male prior to the attack. Her seven attackers sentences now range from two to nine years. 

The woman’s lawyer Mr Lahem, whose license to practice has been revoked, has stated that in the Court’s view the woman who was 18 at the time was guilty because she was in the car with an unrelated male and the gang rape would never have happened if she had not met up with the non-related friend.   

Whatever the woman’s actions were prior to the gang rape, there can be no justification for violence against women. On the eve of White Ribbon Day, we join others from around the globe in protesting this decision of the court. Take action by sending a letter to King Abdullah asking him to publicly express his objection to the ruling.

King Abdullah Bin ‘Abdul’ Aziz Al-Saud

The Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques

Office of His Majesty The King

Royal Court

Riyadh

Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

Telegram: HM King Abdullah, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

Salutation: Your Majesty

How Embarrassing: Attitudes that Support Violence

Who has perpetrated the greater violence against women – Matthew Newton, or his lawyer Chris Murphy?

You may be surprised to learn that you don’t need to be violent yourself, to be contributing to the problem of violence against women. It is possible to hold violence-supportive beliefs that make it more likely for an individual to be violent against women. Furthermore, if these beliefs are commonly shared, it can increase the likelihood that a community will have higher levels of violence against women.

VicHealth 2007 has identified a number of ’violence supportive attitudes’ that:

• trivialise violence and its impacts (as for example when domestic violence is portrayed as nothing more than normal relationship conflict, or rape is portrayed as something women fantasise about);
• blame the victim of violence (as in the belief that women ask for rape’ in their manner of dress);
• [deny] violence occured (as in the case of claims that women frequently falsify violence) or that certain behaviours are not violence (illustrated by the view that forced sex in marriage is not rape, reflected until recently in some states criminal law for example Victoria 1981);
• [justify or excuse] violence (such as the belief which diminishes men’s responsibility for rape by asserting that it occurs because they cannot control their need for sex).

Some examples of myths about violence against women:

• Violence Against Women is uncommon. Wrong: Up to half of all women will experience male physical or sexual violence
• Alcohol is to blame for family violence. Wrong: Alcoholic is implicated as a trigger in only some instances of family violence.
• Family violence occurs in other communities, or ‘ethnic’ communities’ not around here. Wrong: Family violence affects all classes and communities.
• Domestic violence victims ask for it, why don’t they just leave? Wrong: No one asks to be hurt, and sometimes leaving is more difficult than it sounds.

Let’s return then to our original question of who has perpetrated the greatest violence against women? We know that Matthew Newton plead guilty to attacking his former partner at their Rozelle home in Sydney, 2006. Therefore by his own plea we are left in no doubt about whether he actually committed an offence. We applaud his admission of guilt and sincerely hope that he takes steps to ensure that his actions are never again repeated. 

But now let’s review some of the reported statements made by Matthew Newton’s lawyer, Chris Murphy, and see if they reflect any of the violence supportive beliefs or myths outlined above?

• Chris Murphy was reported as describing the assault charges against the entertainer as a “very minor matter”. According to the Sydney Morning Herald 17 January 2007, he reportedly stated “Ninety people died in Iraq today, most of them kids,” “This is a very minor matter.” 

By referring to the assault charges as ‘a very minor matter’ it appears that Mr Murphy is minimising the criminality, or seriousness of violence against women. By referring to children killed in Iraq, he diverted attention from the seriousness of acts of violence against women.

• It was reported in The Australian on 17 January 2007, that Mr Murphy had told the court the charges were the “residue of an expired relationship”.

One could alternatively describe the charges as resultant from criminal actions, or violations of human rights. We hope that by describing the charges as the residue (or all that remains of an expired relationship), Chris Murphy was not suggesting that violence is a normal part of intimate relationships.  

• In the Sydney Morning Herald 12 June 2007, it was reported that Mr Murphy stated that it was not a situation of a drunken husband being a regular wife-beater.

In case Mr Murphy’s comments are misinterpreted here, we wish to clarify that alcohol does not cause domestic violence. Blame for domestic violence should not be directed at alcohol itself but at the person who chooses to inflict the violence. Using alcohol is never an excuse or justifiable explanation for violence against women.

• The Sydney Morning Herald further reported Chris Murphy’s statement that “The last words this young man told [x-partner] before the [charges] came into effect was that they loved each other.”

Again, in case this be misinterpreted, we would like to clarify that loving relationships do not involve violence. One of the most damaging aspects of family violence is the ‘brain washing effect’ or cycle of being violently hurt, and then being later told ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’.

Attitudes that support Violence against Women are an embarrassment. Let’s not remain silent but be courageous in challenging comments that perpetuate violence.

WHITE RIBBON DAY TEAM 

How Embarrassing: Jason Johnson in blue

Jason Johnson with the Blue baggers? Read on:

 I started my career and I’ll finish my career with the Essendon Football Club. So is this embarrassing? Without a doubt. But nothing is more embarrassing than living in a country where almost half the women will be victims of physical or sexual abuse in their lifetime. So if wearing this makes Australian men realise just how serious this is, honestly I don’t care how embarrassing it is.

Jason Johnson Midfielder
Essendon Football Club 1997 -

http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/TVC-Campaigns-42.aspx

How Embarrassing: Gorden Tallis in Blue

Thought you would never see Gorden Tallis in a Blues’ jersey? Read on: 

 

I gave more than 10 years of blood, sweat and pain to the Maroons. So am I embarrassed to be wearing this? You bet. But nothing is more embarrassing than knowing that my kids are growing up in a country where almost half of the women will be victims of physical or sexual abuse in their lifetime. So if wearing this makes Australian men realise how serious this issue is, you know, I don’t care how embarrassing it is.

Gorden Tallis
Second-row forward
Queensland, 1994 – 2003

http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/TVC-Campaigns-42.aspx

How Embarrassing: Brendan Cannon in Black

Those of you who thought they would never see Brendan Cannon in an All Blacks jumper are in for a shock!

 

 I fought through injury and a near fatal car accident so I could wear the green and gold. So, is this embarrassing? Of course! But nothing is more embarrassing than knowing that my little girl is growing up in a country where almost half the women will be victims of physical or sexual abuse in their lifetime. So if wearing this jersey makes Australian men realise how serious this issue is, quite frankly, it’s worth the embarrassment.

Brendan Cannon, Hooker
Australian Wallabies, 2001 – 2006

To check out the advertisement go to:

 http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/TVC-Campaigns-42.aspx

WHITE RIBBON DAY TEAM

State of Emergency in Pakistan

Thank you to S Hussein for your comments on General Musharraf, President of Pakistan, the situation facing women in Pakistan, the current ’state of emergency’ and your call for expressions of concern from International White Ribbon Day campaigners. 

We unreservedly join with you, members of the international community, Amnesty International and the United Nations in voicing alarm and dismay at the detention of human rights and opposition activists. We support the calls from Amnesty International and from the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon to immediately release those detained or to clarify their status, to lift restrictions on the media, take urgent measures to return to democratic rule and to hold parliamentary elections as scheduled.

We share your concern that under the guise of fighting terrorism, the rights of those in opposition, from the judiciary, the media and social activists including women’s rights activists have been infringed upon.

If anyone would like to share their concerns with the High Commissioner for Pakistan in Canberra H.E Mr. Jalil Abbas Jilani, they can email him: parepcanberra@internode.on.net 

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